I have always thought that anyone can have their fates in their own hands, it’s really up to yourself to decide where you want to go or what you want to do. And it has always appeared to me that you just have to take control of yourself and make the right decisions. I have always believed that if life is like the universe, we are all stars. And in the universe, some stars make spectacular exits as exploding supernovas, their auras blazing across space. Others simply peter out, becoming what astronomers call dwarfs- faint points of light that slowly go dark. And, of course, men are always able to offer the same stark choice of outcomes. It’s all a matter of choice.

Over the years, I have found no other lamp to guide my feet but by the lamp of experience. Perhaps, I’m a little to young to say this. After all I’m only seventeen!
Then again, seven seconds is vital in a F1 race so is seventeen years of experience in my life. I guess, as I grow, I begin to become conscious that fate and destiny isn’t exactly in my hands. Of course, there are a couple of theories to explain this.
1. Fate is slipping off my hands.
2. Fate was never in my hands.
I have never believed that there is a higher and superior power that controls my life. I deny and doubt his existence. And, I still do. Many of my friends has seek refuge from ‘God’ and found joy and contentment. I have not. However, I do believe that destiny is out of man’s control and we cannot battle the forces of nature. We can conquer the mountains and swim across seas. Can we fight them?
In my journey of self-discovery, my opinions and thoughts on certain events and people have changed and I guess it’s a natural process. If I, one day would bow to God, and truthfully believe in that mighty power, I have peeps like Lili, Sarah, Jacq and Michelles to thank.

Cheers!


The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.
Zeno (335 BC - 264 BC), from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers

[[ music ]] Bright Lights-Matchbox 20

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They say respect is a privilege not a right.
How true is it, however, I’m not too sure. Like love, success and happiness, respect is to be gained and not demanded. Some people naturally deserve respect because they did respectable things in their respectable fields. Take Michael Schumacher for example- years ago, who would’ve thought a rookie who drove for Jordan would be world champion. Not once, not twice but 6 time world champion and he looks like he is going to get his seventh title as well. He has broken almost all records in the history of F1. Of course, success is sometimes more than just skills. I hate to admit it but luck plays a role too. Michael happened to be in the right team at the right time. He was a world champion when Bennetton was at its best and he went to Ferrari. Now, he has all the respect he deserves. The flip side of all this accomplishment is not exactly everyone loves the champion. In fact some hates him! Someone told me it’s because he doesn’t look as good as the other drivers. Yeah… I have to agree but you have to give him credit for his skills and talents. Some say it’s his car that made him the champ. Then again, compare his teammate to him or even the Sauber cars- they are using Ferrari engines as well.

So, I have always believed that champions are people we should all learn from. Michael shows he’s a respectable winner and at the same times gracious at losing. He shrugs off some loss due to mechanical failure, gearbox failure, and tyre puncture. Storm off angrily sometimes but blames no one. David Beckham on the other hand blames the ground for moving when he didn’t score a penalty. It’s like blaming the earth for rotating around the sun. That is exactly what distinguishes the real champions and the sore losers.

I personally am no champion of any field. But, it definitely is not the champions alone that deserve respect. Of course, I don’t think I’m in any position to demand for any either. When people tell me there’s always a tinge of arrogance in the way I look or walk or talk, it gives me something to think about. Some arrogance can bring in a reasonable of admiration and some arrogance causes hate and extreme dislike among your peers. I demand respect from no one. In some cases, some people are forced to respect me. Juniors in the St. John Ambulance probably hate my guts but they still have to salute me if they are in uniform. That’s the sort of respect you gain when you have authority over others. Supremacy gains individuals respect. Strength assures you of respect. Victories stipulate respect on your behalf.

Cheers
There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create.
Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867), Mon Coeur Mis a Nu, XXII

p/s: Michael Schumacher claimed his 10th win of the 2004 season, 80th of his career at the British Grand Prix.

[[ music ]] Hold On- Good Charlotte
[[ mood ]] gloomy

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MY JOURNAL IS NOT BORING....!!!
It publishes more cerebral and intellectual opinion of my own. Hmph…

[[ music ]] 5ive-Closer To Me
[[ mood ]] bouncy

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Well…
Today’s the first day of my seventeenth year of my life. Cheers…
It’s nothing really significant this year. For me, this year definitely suffers from lack of enthusiasm from all parties- me in particular. Fine… birthdays aren’t exactly my sort of celebration. Try having two Christmas in a year… hmm… Of course I could try celebrating that … only no one will actually join me.
The thing is, I’m not quite sure why I’m not fervent about birthdays anymore, not even mine… ok… I was never quite enthusiastic about it all along. In actual fact, I find buying gifts for friends, going out for meals and indulging in a dim-witted movie such as Harry Potter and LOTR (sorry mates…) quite a bore- more often a waste of time and money. I however do realize that there aren’t too many birthdays to celebrate in life time- especially with true companions. I guess, that’s the sole reason I should continue doing it. My birthday? Hmm… I guess it’s not really necessary to commemorate. ~Sorry to some of my peers who tried talking me into going out for meals.~ This is one time I’m going to make the decision.
And so, I started the day like any other normal Thursdays, witnessing some of the biggest mistake ever made and the worlds’ worst creations- school, chemistry, uniform and EST teacher. I shudder at the taught of it. Some brilliant way to start a birthday! Life….
Anyway, since there’s a lack of enthusiasm, I have decided to walk through my first 24 hours as a seventeen year old quietly, serenely and alone hopefully. Sounds like I’m dying eh? Well… what can I say? Maybe I do feel like dying. This year… it has definitely got more to do with laying back and enjoy my Sparkling French Berry Lemonade by myself, switching of the bloody cell phone, some comforting music maybe and of course a little self reflection and solitude seeking. Mates… I’m not joking. Of course, some things are easier said than done.
You see mates… I think even my parents don’t remember my fucking birthday. Not that I’m outrage about it- I’ve grown quite numb of that now and I couldn’t care less. I just find it really inequitable that I have to remember theirs. They have a funny expectation planted in them that I must greet them joyously on their birthday. “Happy Birthday Mum. You look great today,”. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mates…. Where the hell is justice? Then again, why should mum remember my birthday? Certainly, we have to realize that it was definitely more excruciating and painful for her on the day of my birth. She was the one doing all the screaming and shouting at the very moment I was brought to this world. Ok.. it is justifiable and I’ll excuse you, mum. What about dad then? Why do I have to remember his birthday? …. ??? He surely doesn’t remember mine. In fact, the only thing I think he knows about me is my name. And I’m not even convinced if he can spell it the right way. MEN !!!

You see peeps, talk about celebrating a special day. So what’s so special about my birthday? Of course, I could use some extra cash and some good CDs. Now, where is the stuff that I really do need?

Anyhow, I really do appreciate some efforts put in by some of my friends to enhance the energy level today.

Sarah: Thanks for the card thingy. I know you didn’t sleep and hurt your lil arm to get it done. So… thanks a lot mate. Cheers
Mel: …….. hmmm…… My journal is not boring!
Hsiao, Kelly, Sharon & Ee Lin: Thanks for the cap. Blue isn’t my color though. It’s probably my only present… so it does man a lot to me. Cheers.
For those who text messaged me and invaded my whole inbox with b’day messages, you people are amazing and thank you very much.

Trapt: Happy birthday, mate. Cheers TrapT! Cheers!

[[ music ]] The Rasmus-In The Shadow
[[ mood ]] numb...moody

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I recently came across a young man with a pretty interesting soubriquet. On his MSN account, he signed in as ‘Love is more than just a feeling’. I then asked innocently … what is love? He said he doesn’t know. But he knows it’s much much more.
An then ... there's another young man with a nickname 'SC:Screw Love' ... appearantly ... he had no reason for that ... hmmm ??...

Ok… so what is love then? I’m talking about the sort of love in a romantic relationship here. I’m discussing about the sort of relationship between a male and a female; a male and a male; a female and a female. Very often, there are different elucidation or interpretation of love. Is it really more than just a feeling? I wonder.

Love is not just an aimless infatuation in which, for a moment, you feel like indulging.
It’s…
Trust, responsibility, taking the weight, for your choices and feelings and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.

Finding the right person that will give you that ounce of excitement, a whisper of a thrill and a relationship that has it all- the passion of a pair of titmice is heavy-duty. You run a risk of failing and falling over and over again and find your way to get up on your feet to continue the journey. It takes more determination and endurance than anyone can envisage. Yet, so many people are willing to do that.

And when you find that someone that can sweep you away, make you levitate and make you sing with rapture and dance like a dervish, you’ll know what love is. It’s then definitely more than just a mere feeling of excitement, it’s a feeling that chokes the blood to your brain and the feeling that ring in your ears over and over again.
That’s love.

[[ music ]] Lydia-F.I.R.

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I have a teacher who once told me that man’s only enemy is death. We fear nothing more than death. From the moment we were brought to life, the sole objective to our lives, entrenched so deeply in our hearts- survival. In a world like ours, it’s law of the jungle and survival of the fittest. No one is assured of continual existence. Anything can happen and the next thing you know- you’d be saying your last goodbyes.

Can you imagine a life where in order to see your best friend, you will have to brave snipers just to cross the street? Or you can never finish high school because your teachers and school has been bombed? Or a life in which you are promised with sleepless nights, endless worries and tireless tears? A life where fears haunt you day and night and uncertainties preoccupy you all the time?
Would death be an option?

Death is inevitable. Everybody has to die. That’s the circle of life. (Or so they say…) The funny thing is, why is it feared so much? It is going to happen anyway… waiting to take place anyway. I understand some deaths are more painful than the others due to horrendous ailments or fatal mishaps. Like I said, no one is assured of survival. Since everyone is fighting for the same objective, we slowly mutate. We slowly evolve into beings that are made of voracity, jealousy and fury. We care less and less about the environment, the poor and the hungry. We care more and more about wealth, strength, and authority. And we fight for all that regardless of its consequences and cost. I’m not saying that everyone is like that. Most are, whether we realize or admit it or not.
Maybe, that is why we fear death. We often forget the significance of love, charity and life. Life is more than buying something for a dollar and selling it for two. Many of our kind only recognize this when we are dying.

I understand that materials add colors and excitement to our lives. But we have to clearly distinguish what we need and what we want. We are not born to wait for our death. Death will come whether we want it or not and whether we like it or not. We are all here for a purpose and we live with that purpose in ourselves. Since we are going to die anyway, why not lend a helping hand to those who need it. After all, you can’t bring all your money to your grave.

Life and death is peaceful. Only the transition is troublesome.

Cheers.

[[ music ]] Leave Right Now - Will Young
[[ mood ]] calm

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