On Death
John Keats

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain's to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.

[[ music ]] Almost Here - Delta Goodrem & Bryan Mc Fadden
[[ book ]] The Works of John Milton
[[ mood ]] sore

2 comments

What’s true to me?
The green grass on the meadow,
The vague clouds in the blue sky,
The listlessness of the oozing wind,
The sounds of waves on the shore,
The water that runs down the stream in haste.

What’s true to me?
The ginger ale I taste,
The smell of English tea I adore,
A blithe daybreak run,
The thoughts of the parks I’ve been,
The pigeons and doves that fly by,
The peculiar shapes of my shadow.

The falling leaves in the Autumn evening,
The budding flowers of the months in Spring,
The heat of the sun in the Summer sky,
The tenderness of snow in Winter as I passes by.

When there’s hardly no light
Nor hardly no night
When things aren’t black nor white
When there’s fog in my eyes
And my thoughts fill with clouds
When there’s thunder and pouring rain …
I hold on and grasp hard
To what’s true to me.
Just bit on my lips and
Hold on to what’s true to me.

-TrapT-

Whatever happened to simplicity in life?
Sigh ...

[[ music ]] Your Love Is King - Will Young
[[ book ]] The Comedy of Errors- William Shakespeare
[[ mood ]] nothing

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Two Different Me?
TrapT

Is there a change in me?
A two different me maybe
Was it you that told me?
That there’s two different me
Perhaps a result of growth
A result of time perhaps
Unconsciously into me it taps
Which escalates to this point?
That I now doubt I now know
Who I was once and who I am now.
But, if that I am I, then will I know
That I am but a soul
Trying to find out how
There can be two different me.

***


Self-discovery is a process that puts you in depth into your own emotions. The findings are often inconclusive and results to more perplexity.
Self-reflection allows you to look back at what you have done. No one tells you if it’s right or wrong. It gives you freedom but leads to further perplexity.

I think I need some time off to get things into the right order again.

[[ music ]] Not Me Not I - Delta Goodrem
[[ book ]] The Comedy of Errors - William Shakespeare
[[ mood ]] contemplative

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I recently went to a church service with a classmate of mine. She’s a Christian and I suppose it would just be natural and normal for her to invite me to church. There were a few reasons for me to accept the invitation. One, there were relatively little homework over the weekend and to spend sometime away from all the work load would be ideal although church wasn’t exactly my idea of an ideal getaway. Secondly, I thought it’d be nice to just go out with a new friend and try to establish a slightly stronger friendship since most of my closer friends are away for the weekend. Thirdly, I felt obligated in one way or many others since it’s not a first invitation and it would be impolite to decline this invitation since she knew that I had completed most of my work for the weekend. And, yes … I agreed.

That was not the first visit to a church service and I have been to enough Christian Fellowship and Morning Prayer Meetings to have adequate information and knowledge how the whole thing is going to work out. Like all other church services, it started with a few songs of praise and worship. Well … since I do not have a four octave vocal chord range and no particular flair in singing, I suppose you could just guess how it turned out for me. To have me sing songs that have very little significance to me was difficult. It would be impolite of me not to sing it since my classmate was just standing next to me.
Next, we proceeded to a preach on the Revelation (a part of the bible, I believe). My knowledge and understanding of the Bible is fairly limited. Most of the information I knew from the Bible came from continuous revision with San for her Bible Knowledge examinations, which means that I only now a spot or two from Luke. In view of the fact that I have had insufficient information on what Revelation was, I sat through the whole process trying to figure out who John is. Of course, my friend was aware enough of my situation and explained to me that John was the one that wrote the Revelation (of course, I still have no idea what the Revelation is about).

The church was very kind to me. The pastor that conducted the service who was also my friend’s father introduced me to the church. After all of that, the church had a little lunch party and I was introduced to some of the church members. Most of them asked the same questions and I had to answer all of them every time. “Do you go to church often?” “Do you go to church often in Ipoh?” “Are you a Christian?” “Is this your first time at church?” It was … very thoughtful of them to start a conversation especially when I had little idea about what to say and what not to say. Then, I was sent home by my friend’s mother and there … the whole church visit thing came to a finale.

The whole church service thing is not the main subject matter of the entry however. My visit to the church provoked some of my thoughts on both faith and religion. For me, I could associate very little with what had happened on that Sunday since it’s not my weekly practice to go to church and I have always had very little interest in the religion altogether.

Religion is something I was born with. Faith is something I am trying to seek. For me, religion is nothing more than a set of normative practices set by traditions and customs practice by followers (sometimes … or rather most of the time due to obligations and not sincerity). There are people, as we all can witness today go to church services solely because of obligations. Most people attend church services for three reasons – birth, marriage and death. Some attend church services as they grow older as they fear death. Religion is nothing more than that. Faith, on the other hand, is more personal. To establish faith in a higher power, you don’t need churches or other religious institutions. The religious institutions would only serve to gather people or your peers that share the same faith and spirituality with you. With faith, I think we would be able to understand with serious depth about our own spirituality. Whether we worship one God or many Gods or show devotion to the forces of nature, your connection with a higher and more divine power would be more important than your religious practices.

On a personal level, I have always had very strong opinions about religious practices and religion altogether. Like I said, I was born with a religion. It was not something I could have had a say at. Sadly, I have unsatisfactory knowledge on my own religion to really turn it into a faith (until now). Spirituality … is something I would like to have. I’d like to go to churches to sing and pray and be a part of all that. However, standing in the middle of such a crowd in a church on that Sunday proved a point – that I am no where close to finding it just yet. Am I going to continue to find it? To be truthful mates … I do not know. I am a big fan of cathedrals because of their architecture and not purpose. I have interest in religious practices because of the diversity in them and not its purpose.
I have always had friends that were ... and are still very kind to me. Invitations to church services was never really a scarce. Only thing is, I have never felt that I could relate to Him the way most of them do and I don't want to visit a church when there is so much to be skeptical about and so little to identify.

I suppose … until I find that mystical kinship with that one divine power, I might just continue to search for it. Spirituality … I believe could bring a big difference in my life. Good or bad, I have yet to judge it. Until then, let’s just hope that I’ll discover that … yes THAT side of me.

Cheers.



Heartful gratitude towards Mrs Wong and Sarah for their invitation and kindness.

[[ music ]] My Valentine - Martina McBride
[[ book ]] Do Not Pass Go - Tim Moore
[[ mood ]] stressed

4 comments

Do Not Ask 
TrapT

Save your words of sorry
Please keep that sense of inquiry,
Help me savour what’s left of my dignity
Do not ask.

Watch me fall but laugh aside
Keep the lexis of comfort
Save me that little bit of pride
Do not ask.

Answers, I entreat
Do not solicit.
Questions, I beseech
Do not ask.

 Just, Do NOT Ask!

[[ mood ]] Fucked

2 comments

For a dear, dear friend - San.

It pains me to see you so somber. Cheerio mate.
I love you.

[[ music ]] Josh Groban - Believe
[[ book ]] The Comedy of Errors by Shakespeare ... Argh
[[ mood ]] sore

1 comments

Immortality - Celine Dion & Bee Gees

So this is who I am,
And this is all I know,
And I must choose to live,
For all that I can give,
The spark that makes the power grow

And I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith in who I am,
But you are my only,
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,
I won't let my heart control my head,
But you are my only
We don't say goodbye,
We don't say goodbye,
And I know what I've got to be

Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside

Fulfil your destiny,
Is there within the child,
My storm will never end,
My fate is on the wind,
The king of hearts, the joker's wild,
But we don't say goodbye,
We don't say goodbye,
I'll make them all remember me

Cos I have found a dream that must come true,
Every ounce of me must see it through,
But you are my only
I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play,
Hand over my heart I'll find my way,
I will make them give to me

Immortality (oh baby)
There is a vision and a fire in me (ohh)
I keep the memory of you and me, inside
And we don't say goodbye
With all my love for you
And what else we may do
We don't say, goodbye

[[ music ]] Immortality - Celine Dion & Bee Gees
[[ book ]] The Comedy of Errors-Themes & Structure, Harold Brooks
[[ mood ]] tired

2 comments

Ill attempts at self- comfort could not undo reality.

[[ book ]] A Grain Of Wheat - Ngugi wa Thiong'O
[[ mood ]] tired

2 comments

The Sound of Music (1965)

Originally to be directed by William Wyler, who actually scouted locations and toyed with the script. He had a different film in mind; tanks crashing through walls, etc.


Director Robert Wise considered Yul Brynner for the role of Captain Von Trapp.


The first musical number in the film, "The Sound of Music", was the final sequence shot in Europe before the cast and crew returned to Los Angeles. It was filmed in late June and early July of 1964. Despite the warm and sunny appearance, Julie Andrews notes that she was freezing running up that mountain over and over again. Director Robert Wise has said that he had to climb one of the trees nearby to be able to overview the helicopter shoot without getting in the picture.


Julie Andrews relates that although she tried digging in her heels and bracing herself, she was knocked off her feet every time by the helicopter downdraft in the opening shot. After more than a dozen takes, she attempted to hand-signal to Robert Wise to have the helicopter make a wider pass, but the response she got was a thumbs-up - he was finally satisfied with the shot.


"Sixteen Going On Seventeen" was shot in the gazebo, one of the last to be done. On the first take, Charmian Carr (Liesl) slipped while leaping across a bench, and fell through a pane of glass. Although she was not badly injured, her ankle was hurt and the scene was later shot with her leg wrapped and makeup covering the bandages.


Cameo: [Maria von Trapp] The elder of the two women in Austrian peasant garb who are in the background as Maria walks through a brick archway during "I Have Confidence".


The front and back of the Von Trapp estate were filmed at 2 different locations in Salzburg, Austria.


In the end when the family is climbing over the hills to safety, it is not really Gretl on the shoulders of Captain von Trapp. In the DVD version, it revealed that while in Austria, Kym Karath gained a lot of weight. This was one of the last shots filmed and so she was evidently a bit too heavy to be carried on Christopher Plummer's back. He requested a stunt double and that is who's seen being carried on his back.


Debbie Turner had many loose teeth during filming. When they fell out, they were replaced with false teeth.


Mary Martin, who originated the role of Maria on Broadway and co-produced the film, would eventually see nearly $80,000,000 from the film. In contrast, Julie Andrews earned just $225,000 for her performance.


Two years before the musical made its Broadway debut, Paramount bought the rights to the Von Trapp Singers story, intending to cast Audrey Hepburn as Maria. When Hepburn declined, Paramount dropped plans for a film.


The librettists, Howard Lindsay and Russel Crouse, originally intended to use songs that the real von Trapp family had sung. However, Mary Martin, who was to be in the play, asked Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein to write a song for her character. Due to concerns that their original song would not mix well with the folk music, Rodgers & Hammerstein suggested writing a whole new score, the music we know today.


During the scene with Maria and the Captain at the gazebo, Julie Andrews couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of singing so closely to someone else's face. After more than 20 takes, the scene was altered to silhouette the two and to hide Andrews' giggles.


Six burly Austrians were hired to pull the heavy car by two ropes while the actors push from behind when the von Trapps are escaping their home in Salzburg.


Sean Connery and Richard Burton were considered for the part of Captain von Trapp.


Kim Darby was tested for the part of the eldest von Trapp daughter.


Nicholas Hammond has brown hair, and had to undergo several painful hair bleaching treatments before and during filming to make his hair blond.


Right after her talk with Maria, the Baroness is at the party talking to Max. The song the orchestra is playing is a song from the play version that was not used in the movie called "How Can Love Survive". And Ironically was sung by the Baroness and Max.


Kym Karath (Gretl) couldn't swim, so the original idea was to get Julie Andrews to catch her when the boat tips up and they all fall in the water. However, during the second take the boat toppled over so that Andrews fell to one side and Karath fell to the other and had to be rescued by a crew member who jumped into the water to save her.


Kym Karath swallowed too much water upon falling out of the rowboat, and threw up on Heather Menzies.


Twentieth Century-Fox bought the film rights to the musical in 1960, along with the rights to two German films about the family. The project was jeopardized by the poor box-office showing of a compilation of the German films, as well as Fox's financial difficulties resulting from Cleopatra (1963).


The von Trapp street address is '53'. When Maria first comes to the villa and is looking through the gate, the address sign is on the stone pillar to the left.


Maria never uses the Captain's first name, "Georg", in the film. Instead, she calls him Captain, Sir and Darling.


One of the actresses who tried out for the role of Liesl was Mia Farrow.


Along with _Bibbia, La (1966)_ , this is one of the few Twentieth-Century Fox films in which no music at all is heard when the Twentieth Century-Fox logo appears onscreen.


According to director Robert Wise the grass on the hill of the opening song was supposed to be much longer than it was. The filmmakers had made an arrangement with the farmer who owned the land to leave the grass long, but when they arrived for filming it had been cut. Wise commented that the scene turned out very well after all.


Doris Day was apparently offered the role of Maria von Trapp, but turned it down.


William Wyler wanted Audrey Hepburn to play Maria von Trapp.


When Maria is running through the courtyard to the Von Trapp house in "I Have Confidence", she trips. This was an accident; however, director Robert Wise liked this so much that he kept it in the movie. He felt it added to the nervousness of the song and of the character.


The actors had to be continually hosed down while filming the scene after they had fallen out of the boat, in order to remain dripping wet.


"Edelweiss" was the last song Oscar Hammerstein II wrote before his death.


When the film was released in South Korea, it did so much business that some theaters were showing it four and five times a day. One theater owner in Seoul tried to figure out a way to be able to show it even more often, in order to bring in more customers. So he cut out all the musical numbers.


The film sets its story "in the last golden days of the thirties", when in actual fact Maria became governess to the Von Trapp family in 1927 and married the Captain in November of that year


The songs "I Have Confidence" and "Something Good" were written specially for the film, by Richard Rodgers, the latter song replacing "An Ordinary Couple" from the stage version. The two numbers became so popular and so integrated into the musical, that most subsequent stage productions, including the 1998 Broadway Revival, have felt the need to add them on (and delete "An Ordinary Couple" in the process).


Danny Lockin tested for the role of Rolfe.


Peggy Wood's singing was dubbed, as she herself declared that she was too old to handle the vocals.


***

Cheerio!
-Will update on the visit to Istana Budaya when I return-

[[ music ]] The Sound Of Music - Julie Andrews
[[ mood ]] sleepy

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I really should update on my visit to Istana Budaya – it’s a beautiful place. However, all the excitement I felt on that day has dissipated and driven away to a place beyond my reach. I simply cannot bring myself to explain in detail of my visit. I can only offer you my sincerest apologies.

***

Info: The Palace of Culture, or more familiarly known as Istana Budaya, is Malaysia's national theatre. This prominent landmark is on the Top Ten list of most sophisticated theatres in the world.

I have had great anticipation and a reasonable level of expectation of my visit to Istana Budaya (after all, they are from Broadway!). The place was glitteringly clean and nice. The air conditioners were set at the right temperature. There were welcoming ushers welcoming us. We proceed to our seats as soon as the doors to the auditorium are open.

The thing I like about plays or theater performance is its clear difference from the movies. I do acknowledge the fact that I have to pay 8 times more for a 3 hour performance in Istana Budaya for fairly bad seats in comparison to the 8 Ringgit I have to pay for a movie. Nonetheless, I acknowledge more the value of a live performance. The beauty about performing arts is that it allows you the freedom to see and discover for yourself what’s on stage. Unlike plays, the director of a movie dictates what you see on the silver screen. What is bad is snipped off and only what is good (in the director’s point of view) remains to be seen. Theaters, on the other hand will allow you to be your own director with you deciding for yourself what is good or bad. This, I believe is the reason to why a live performance in Istana Budaya is so much more costly than a movie in Tanjong Golden Village or Golden Screen Cinemas.

On a whole, the performance was alright although I must say that it has fallen short of my expectations. There is a reasonable amount of disappointment in the performance. This is most probably due to the fact that I’m such a big fan on the movie that images of the movie constantly replays itself if my head that so many comparisons were made while I was watching the performance. Even by saying so, I know that with the movie, both the director and the audience have an advantage of the camera to move from scene to scene while a live performance would depends wholly on how you move the props and the exits and entrances of the performers. I know well that we cannot have seven children cycling on the stage with their governess singing the famous Do Re Mi. Therefore, the comparisons I have made while watching would be consider unfair.

The vocals of the performers are all up to that standard except for the male lead that played Captain Von Trapp. I could barely catch what his lines were and since he sang little plus the fact that he’s not half as dashing as Christopher Plummer, I didn’t like him very much. The female who played Maria has pretty good vocals but there will always be a constant unjust comparison between her and Julie Andrews made by me silently (and I obviously would prefer Andrews!). The seven children all performed well although they do appear to be quite conscious of their performance throughout the two to three hours.

One of the biggest disappointments of the play would be that they left out the track “I Have Confidence”, which of course is one of my favourites in the movie. The fact that Sister Abbess sang “My Favourite Things” with Maria threw me off a little because it just doesn’t give you the sense that the abbey is particular about Maria always singing in the abbey. Then, there is of course the portrayal of the sort of romance (the ideal romantic love) between the two leading characters, the Captain and Maria just was not brought out enough. Since, there were so few scenes between the Captain and Maria, you just cannot feel the sort of chemistry between them. The performance for “Something Good” was not too impressive to me as well.

Yet, there are a few fresh jokes added to the performance which I do find quite entertaining. The props and the setting were brought out very well. The timing for the entrances and the exits of the characters was timed with perfection. The performance of “Do Re Mi”, “Maria” and the famous “The lonely Goatherd” were very … stimulating and turned many cynical and skeptical sneers into cheerful smiles.

On a whole, I was entertained.

Thanks to Yiling for buying the tickets and going with me to the performance.
Thanks to Mel for just being there although I reckon you probably dreaded it.
Thanks to Jon for driving us there and driving us back.

[[ book ]] A Grain of Wheat - Ngugi Wa Thiong'o
[[ mood ]] tired

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Sinking Into It
TrapT

There is this distressing stir inside
Just like the call of an alarming tide
Makes me scream from within
Only to hear the sounds slowly subside
I simply cannot decide the directions
The wavering rough swirl of emotions
I want to break and sigh out loud
But my pride just would not allow.
I know I’m slowly sinking into it
Again … I silently thought.
The feeling of wanting to end it all
Reaches within that sacred hall
Where you warily guard with the Trojan wall
Would just break down, tumble and all fall.

[[ music ]] Canon in D
[[ mood ]] tired

1 comments

‘What if we do it wrongly?’ one of us asked.
‘Why are all of you so obsessed with being right or wrong?’ she answered.

It hit me hard in the head when I retrace the conversation above. Yes. Why are we so obsessed with being right? What’s wrong with being wrong once in a while? You know how the saying goes … ‘You can only learn from your mistakes.’

Bullshit.

Isn’t it ironic how they always tell you that making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn only to allow you to slowly discover that it is for the same reason that the same people reprimand you?

I hate making mistakes.
In one way or many others, I am probably one of those who are obsessed with being correct. I suppose it’s a lot to do with the inner sense of pride or even the overwhelming fear of failure.
I don’t know.


I like to learn but not to be taught.

Cheerio.

[[ music ]] Home - Michael Buble
[[ book ]] English Legal System - Jacqueline Martin
[[ mood ]] nothing

3 comments

Show me a gracious loser and I'll show you a failure.


It's alright to bitch about it mates.
It's o.k. to be dramatic and bawl.

I've been there, done that and still here.

Cheers.

[[ mood ]] tired

1 comments

Work, work work.
First from him, now from you.
Is that all you blighters can do?

[[ book ]] A Grain of Wheat - Significance of Chapter 9 - 12
[[ mood ]] frustrated

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My life has fallen into a dreadfully deadly routine - so dark into the pit, that darkness is my only source of light.

My two weeks break is coming in a week’s time and I can already see the amount of work I have to do now.

a. Sociology - essays and mind maps
b. Law – Flow charts from Law & Morality to Police Powers
c. Economics – Revision for MCQ test
d. Literature - …. I don’t even want to think about this!
e. Thinking Skills – Do not require thinking whatsoever …

Ok … enough about my sad college life.


Hmm …


Hmmmmm…..



Hmmmmmmmmm…..


Now … what happened to the rest of my life?
I guess there’s not much of that left.


Cheerio mates!

[[ mood ]] bored

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