I express my sincere apologies for the long absence. I can only assure you that none of that is deliberately executed.

***

There are walls that one may built to carefully guard their lives. These walls provide us with a made-believe world full of illusions we have establish ourselves to provide us the comfort and security we need to keep ourselves intact with what is left of our sanity when facing the real world. The fact and problem is, much of us is still unaware of the extremities of the workings in the real world and remain to be idle about them Certainly, we have heard enough about them to believe that we may be prepared to live in that world when the time comes. After all, those who have been in the real world make no attempt to hide the ghastly workings that allow that world to function.

As a child, one may confine themselves to the comforts of a home where they willingly submit themselves to that world, failing to realize or acknowledge what lies beyond that world until of course, they start going to school. Yet, I maintain that school serves as much a comfort zone as a house does even though you may have had your moments with the teachers. Sometimes, I feel we dwell a little too long in this comfort zone which eventually allow us to complain about the little but real tribulations that may come our way. I do not believe that one can cope with reality for long periods of time. But, I also do not believe that one should dwell in a world of illusory qualities for both may be equally harmful to one’s self.

I guess it is true when they say that reality hurts. But, it is true to say that we only learn from experiences that have hurt us. For, how could we have stood up and walk the paths of the earth if we haven’t fall? And, how would a bird learn to fly if it doesn’t spread its wings? I understand that some of you may have to adapt to the harsh conditions of the education system and even harsher lecturers. The fact is, tertiary education leaves little room for spoon-feeding and we can no longer expect those responsible for conducting our classes to be teaching us. They are now there merely to facilitate us. If tertiary education would come closest to preparing you for the world outside, it is then not allowed to be comfortable.

Change is imminent, and very often causes discomfort. But, we are all born with the ability to cope and adapt with such changes and live with them. That is the beauty of human potential.

Cheers.

[[ mood ]] working

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“When you want to give up and your heart’s about to break,
Remember that you’re perfect, God makes no mistakes.”
-Bon Jovi

[[ music ]] Coldplay - Fix You
[[ book ]] Jacqueline Martin's English Legal System
[[ mood ]] blah

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In these quiet moments of solitary thoughts of somewhere distant, set against the gentleness of Chris Martin’s voice, on a quiet gloomy evening, waiting for the rain to grace the earth, you know that there’s more to life that just what are you doing. It has always struck me on these evenings that all those little but significantly poignant secluded thoughts would emerge on the surface of your mind with no warning. It is these quiet moments of solitary peace that I find myself regain what is left of my ability to put my feelings to words. Perhaps if you were here to witness my clumsy movements of running back to my room to carry my laptop into another where the first sentence of this entry has struck me out of the grey sky, you’d laugh your heads off. For me, such rare moments are to be treasured as I am not customarily struck by sudden ideas of what to write nowadays. I’d like to think that when it happens, I need to seize the moment quickly before it fades away like the steam from a kettle.

Even as my fingers make their ways around the keyboard, there is little idea in my mind as to what to write or what my next sentence would be. Yet, they refuse to stop, as if they have been haunted by a sudden Trojan grit to continue to write. It puzzles me enormously how they do not function as well when I desperately want them to. I remember sitting in front of a computer for hours without writing a single word by the time I regrettably walk away from it. Those are precious time wasted but I know that creative labour, if mine is to stand any chance of being close to creative at all, cannot be rushed. But at moments where you desperately need to write and you are helplessly sitting there with no one idea at all, you’d understand how such rare moments like these are to be treasured.

It doth appear to me that it is going to rain – again. It has been raining a lot lately. I like the rain. I find in it the most appealing quality that on other weather conditions usually lack. For a start, it made me start writing again. More importantly than that, I think it brings about a mystifying cleansing effect that I do not usually experience. It brings about a momentary moment of serenity that on other days I may search in vain but ends up helplessly lost. I find in rain a sense of overwhelming peace that reminds me that the harsher moments that I am now going through, too, will pass. Perhaps, this is what they call the concealed beauty that the natural world has. There is always something more than just rain … there is an exceptional appeal to it. Alright, I find myself indulging into the weather talk. Perhaps, I should stop with that here. Again, my fingers are working themselves on the keyboard much more than my brain would allow them too. That is why there is a whole paragraph about the weather. If there is no sense at all as to what I am typing, it’s the fingers not the brain.


It’s raining now …
And it’s not just rain …
It’s something else …
Someone else …
Somewhere else …

[[ music ]] Coldplay's Fix You
[[ mood ]] thoughtful

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Cancer takes Malaysia's first lady

Thursday, October 20, 2005 Posted: 0139 GMT (0939 HKT)

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) -- Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's wife, whom he described as his No. 1 supporter, died Thursday after a nearly four-year battle with breast cancer. She was 64.

Endon Mahmood's death -- which comes less than two months after she and Abdullah marked their 40th wedding anniversary -- is the biggest personal blow to the Malaysian leader since he took office in October 2003 following the retirement of his predecessor, longtime leader Mahathir Mohamad.

When his mother died of natural causes in February 2004, Abdullah telephoned Endon in the United States, where she was undergoing treatment. She later told reporters that he said: "I've lost my mother and I don't want to lose you too."

Endon discovered she had breast cancer in 2002 following a checkup after her twin sister, Noraini, was earlier diagnosed with the disease. Noraini died in January 2004.

***

Life's brief candle.
May the Lord be with her.

[[ mood ]] sympathetic

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