It has been an entire week.

I hope I have heard the last of what had happened before. Whatever has been said about it being a glorious attempt or otherwise, it should now only remain as a shade of the past. I suppose it does not take a lot to teach a person the meaning of 'humility'. Sometimes, you're simply not good enough. Life's fair/ unfair. You cannot ask for everything.

It happens.

It is easy to be oblivious. As you grow older, it is easy to do the whole 'I am too busy' thing and dismiss anyone who shrugs off your burden to be ill-informed. And, it is easy to be absorbed into the task at hand - completing a project, finishing a show, rasing a child, submitting a case in court ...

It is the pause after all that that leaves you wondering. Everyone else would be completing a project or finishing a show or rasing a child alone or losing a case.

So ... what's next?

Make another list ...

Final Exams ... Writing Credit dateline ... non-assessed datelines ... attachment ... Jit's show ... choral production ...

Lists ...

I get a feeling that they don't stop growing longer or generate into new ones. OR ... I don't seem to stop making them OR they don't seem to stop making me make them.

You just don't run out of them.

[[ music ]] Chris Botti - Song For You
[[ mood ]] blank

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"I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad."
- William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act IV Scene I



Experience is quick to let you learn the meaning of humility and then point to you the fine line between confidence and arrogance.

The difficulty of the skill lies in the route of re-discovering what is left of yourself after the lesson is learnt. I could not tell for sure what it is. Pride. Maybe vanity. Or confusion. Even some kind of gratitude somewhere - I'm uncertain.

Someone told me that you don't learn to stand on your own feet until you have fallen. The question is, how many times do I need to fall? How often and for how long should Experience continue to indulge itself in the pleasures of my falls and attempts to re-discover myself?

I suppose I could never tell if I was meant to learn the same lesson more than once because I never really understood the notion of trying again and again and again and unless I have my heart impervious to the senses a defeat would provide you. Or, it could be that I never really comprehended the meaning of defeat.

Antony, in his most inglorious moment, won me over. I saw in him, an expression of earnest humanity and genuine indignity, I saw in no other character when he said to Cleopatra, "Wither has thou led me, Egypt?" Some would be quick to refute his sentiment. I agree that he has brought upon himself his own downfall. But, who doesn't?

Who, in their historic victorious conquerings and miserable defeats, do not bring about their own downfall in one tiny way or another. Antony. Ceasar. Arthur. Hitler. Mao. JFK. Diana. Mahathir. Blair. It is pointless to dwell on the question of causation. One thing leads to another and everything happens for one reason or another.

One cannot allow one victory or one defeat to define a lifetime's effort. But, you don't always have a chance at fighting for another victory. And, Experience is a merciless teacher. He does not wait for you to learn before he throws you into the sea to decide, once again, if you should sink or swim. You decide, there and then.

The trouble is, once you have reached the shore, you don't really have an idea of where to go ...

[[ music ]] Nelly Furtado - All Good Things (Come to an End)
[[ mood ]] working

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"Can`t we try just a little more passion
Can`t we try just a little less pride."
- Dan Hill, Can't We Try

Friends for benefits? Maybe ...

[[ music ]] Nat King Cole - Our Love Affair
[[ mood ]] off

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"To some lawyers all facts are created equal."
- Felix Frankfurter

Lawyer Charged With Forgery and Cheating Claims Trial




I'm being defensive - clearly.

Justice is a big word. Administration of Justice is a big, big word. Someone told me lawyers are the agents of the administration of justice. Don't laugh. I laughed.

Now, I don't think it's so funny.

That's because I'm in Law School. A part of it all. They instill in you a faint sense of pride for the legal system. I've stopped making lawyer jokes ever since. Now, I make 'judge jokes'. I don't suppose anyone gets out of Law School without a nasty comment or two about Denning.

We have a problem preserving the dignity of the legal profession, or whatever is left of it. It doesn't help that a lawyer comes by to dash our hopes. Definitely doesn't help that he comes from Ipoh.

Then again, who else would crush our dreams for us but ourselves?

Not funny at all ...

[[ music ]] Nat King Cole - Stardust
[[ mood ]] tired

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