How could i be this weak?

I tried to kill it. God knows how much I tried. But it won't stop.

I call your name in silence. I cry in silence. I suffer in silence. I miss you in silence.

Somebody save me.

Filed under my sweetest downfall | 2 comments

Today I said goodbye to a few friends. Friends graduating from Masters, some moving on to phd, some going back to work in whatever institution/uni that they're affiliated with, some giving their all to save the wildlife in their corrupted countries, some just pray for a job. Only 2 out of the whole lot that presented at today's seminar were not married/engaged. Am I that young, or am I that old?

"We'll be watching your seminar next!" 

Those words remain long after the crowd dispersed.

Yeah, it WILL be me next. Back at crossroads so soon? And I'm pretty sure I'll explode the next time someone asks me about my future plans, or why I'm not sure if I want to do my phd. Years roll by quickly, but isn't life a journey? Would being ahead of the "game" make me any happier? Don't these people ever stop and have a breather? Life, after all, is unpredictable and only that long.

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I seriously hate the fact how the coordinators work.

You don't post a notice, saying there's a talk/briefing on which-which day, a week earlier. You should've planned properly, give an early notice so that the students can plan their schedule out properly.

I checked the elearning today, to find out that there's going to be a talk next Tuesday. And it seems compulsory for us to attend. It sounds important. And when is the talk? Next Tuesday. And where am I? Needless to say. 

I am agitated with how things work, really. I reached here, yesterday around evening, when I got a call from mum, asking me to go home this week for dinner. Family dinner it seems. I contemplated but seeing how important the event was, I decided to drive home this weekend, with her, have dinner and head back to KL. And I thought, perhaps I can stay until the end of the week.

And then..

Someone, or rather PEOPLE went and disrupted the whole plan, because they suddenly felt like having a talk on our supposedly "study break". I know it's our fault, to 'cabut' on an academic week, but we have no classes already. And all I want is just to escape and hit on my books. And SUDDENLY!, SUDDENLY, out of nowhere, there's this talk out of nowhere.

Eh, all I can say, f*ck you lah!

p/s: FYP presentation seems tedious. It seems like we have to present to the WHOLE Civilians. I am not sure about the details, but from what I understand from the notice, it seems so. Bodoh lah! 

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Yum~~~

My Sunday breakfast.
This is what you get, when you wake up, at your own home. Your parents get you, your favourite food of all times.

Salivate with me!

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My brother, ze poser!

I actually stole this from his facebook..hehehe..kinda miss him lah..so long didn't see him..:|

p/s: I was actually checking his facebook if he has any scandal..but I think he erased all his "crime-evidence" before approving me into his list.

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Success!

Finished 20 pages of my major assignment, filled with lots of survey data, comparisons and philosophical stuff. I still find the idea of romanticism in conservation pretty awkward. Nature as purifier of the human spirit? Also turnitin-ed, and got a rather good score. Happiness.

A couple of years ago, writing 2,500 words was pure agony. Now I have to write 6,000-8,000 words papers, and I still go over the word limit at times.

Assignment completed 6 days early - that leaves me slightly over 2 weeks to study. Must study. Yay? "Do or do not, there is no try." Lets see who knows where that quote is from.

I somehow also managed to complete Hospital Hustle in one day. And won a few games of chess on chess titans. Go Michy!

Also, gang member #10, Mr Tan Yee Hou, got me a Twitter account without my knowledge. Like all of a sudden, hey, what's this twitter email notification with the right e-mail, username, and name? How bizarre! Haha. So yuppers, account's twitter.com/monitorlizzie , although I may or may not use it much.

[[ music ]] MATCHBOX 20! :D

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I haven't been myself lately and been slacking off in everything I do. I have lost the vibe in giving attention to my  life. I have done things, I shouldn't be doing. I took risks because they said "life is a risk". I have waited for something that doesn't even exist because I always believe that "patience is a virtue". I have waited, yet it never happened. I have waited, and waited for more. I have waited but I can't deal the pain anymore. Now it's time to accept that things aren't exactly what they are. They may look so simple but it can be just a facade. Or worst than that, it can be a trap. The next thing you know, you are already shackled and can no longer escape.

Now all I want is a sweet escape.

I am making my own mess. I am making my own misery. And I need a fuckload of strength to move on. I can't wait forever. I am only human. I get tired and most of all I am also vulnerable to pain.

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