Went to DFO and got nothing. I think the last few times I've been to DFO, things were way cheaper? Whatever happened to $20-30 Billabong bikinis and $7 Roxy sandals? My main reason for going to DFO was to look for a few Christmas presents, get a rashie since I'm in the ocean for uni so much, and a pair of boardies.

I ended up only with a mermaid pop-up book for Trinity, and ditching $25 rashies and $10 Rip Curl boardies. The boardies were such a steal. All boardies in the store were 2 for $20! Why does size 6 only come in uber short designs? If I didn't want to cover my bum, I wouldn't even put on boardies! Silly people. Haha. The only rashies I liked either had fluoro pink bits or were black. Meh. I want a normal Rashie please. Found a nice blue striped tank top, a decent-length denim skirt and a pair of denim shorts that fit perfectly - all for $15. But I hesistated with the high-waisted shorts so I put them back. No one else found me a 3rd item, so I couldn't go with the 3 for $15 promotion. I put everything back! How disciplined!

I, however, am currently quite obsessed with finding out where those tie-back summer dresses are from. It all started on Thursday when I saw a girl wearing one in plain white at the exam hall. Then yesterday itself I saw 3 similar designs. Today, I saw 2 girls in that and a few shops at DFO that had a similar design, but as a tube dress.

It's something like that minus the tiered frilly bottom.

I'm not much of a floral person, but I want a white one eyelet one I saw on Thursday. Haha. Does anyone know where everyone else seems to be buying these dresses? I am also still thinking about that Kamiko bustier tube dress I tried on Thursday. =( But I know I don't wear tube dresses. But but but.... =(

::

Oh yeah, I forgot about this. I'm so glad I can finally wash my hair and shower normally without doing any acrobatic stunts or with gladwrap around my arm! I was allowed to take off my dressing today! Wheee. I can't believe I managed to contort my limbs in such a way to shower since Thursday without getting my arm wet. I'm supposed to put on the new cutiplast dressing, but I seemed to have developed this slight rash where the bandage was previously. Wound looks rare now that the skin have peeled off, but it looks way better than last weekend. At least it's not inflammed, red and covered with bumps. Will put on the new dressing tomorrow probably. I have to go back on Monday to check if I still need the proper bandage that I've had to have every day since Thursday. Rather sucky having to travel to uni every day after exams just to get a new dressing daily. And I can finally move my wrist. Woohoo! Happiness.

I still thought it was a bad idea to have ordered 2 prawn pizzas last night though. The 7 of us shared a large half-half pizza of Mexican and something else I can't remember and 3 medium pizzas - I picked chilli prawn, the guys picked tasty bill - which also had big prawns, bacon and mushroom, and green belt - chicken, feta, mushroom, spinach. I've always liked Wild Pepper, so it was all good! It was a relatively new group I was hanging out with last night, and we decided to try get tickets for Time Traveller's Wife, but oh guess what? The cinema stopped showing all other movies because of New Moon. They had screenings every 10 minutes! And New Moon is fully booked till end of next week. Insane.

So we ended up just taking a stroll around Southbank. A few of them have never been there so I played tourist guide. And I introduced them to Churros. Nyum. I also found someone with a big keyboard. I cheekily said "Oh, so can I go over to play some time?" And he said yes. He also plays the guitar. Woohoo! The other girl has been going to Allen's to play, but like me, we're very shy pianists cos we're horrible at it. Hehe. I also just found out that there's a piano in the state library for anyone to use? Sitting on the steps in between the churros stall and the Plough Inn tavern listening to the outdoor live band is awesomeness on a Friday night

I also almost got thrown into the "sea" at Streets Beach. =( By a girl. Am I that light? I freaked out like mad cos I really didn't want to be wet! Haha. They're planning a "liquid" party soon, though I won't be around. Pool, barbie and beer party. Sounds like summer!

Today, I had Irish stout burger for lunch, and then I met the rest at the train station and at DFO. Super diverse group today. There was me, Angela the Columbian, Elsa the French and Priscilla the Brazillian. It was funny how we kinda had to repeat ourselves quite a bit because we all sound different. And use different terms. AHAHAHA.

[[ music ]] Guiding Light - Muse

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it was a good night. a time where all the rantings about life was expressed. it was a good therapy for us all. and then after the conversations, i realized we were all victims of love. at some point in our lives we have succumb to loving that one person who made us feel alive , got hurt in the process and then they moved on, they were able to, i was able to before and i will be able to do it now.

i actually feel better now, at least now. i would not know about tomorrow, the pain might come again. when i am reminded of him, the things we used to do, the things we used to share, the things we used to say, the places we go to. but that is  a part of it. i have to pick up the pieces or no one else will. i will have to decide to move on, get a life, start from scratch, mend myself. this is going to be very difficult but i know it is possible.

tonight is that night. and although it may seem as difficult as crossing the ganges river. i will do this. i can do this. i am stronger than this. i am better than this. the decisions i  have made lately are but momentary lapses of judgement, though i do not regret them,, they made me realize something. when u hit the bottom, there is no other way but up. 

i love him, love him just the way he is, no buts , no ifs. and  i will always do. but i have to get on with my life because the world will not stop revolving just to pry on my pathetic private life. there are a million people in this planet and some are going through so much worse than this, i should be thanksful. there is so mcuh more to do. my identity should not be attached with him. my happines should not be because of his existence. my voice should be back. my zest for life whould be reborn.

i am done wallowing on my own sad emotions. yet. i will still love the rain. the grey sky. the sad sound of birds humming in the meadow.  the lonely boat in the river. the falling of brown leaves. the breeze of summer. the silence of the night. the sorrow of poets. the journals of my past.the  tragic love stories. the melacholic music.

and yes. i was looking for a miracle. i found it. in an unlikely time and place.

to be continued..

[[ music ]] someday by sugar ray
[[ mood ]] haaaaappppppyyyyyy

Filed under my sweetest downfall | 4 comments

Certain sacrifices have to be made. Afterall, it's worth it.

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Really, I can't help but wonder why I'm paying an institution $6000 a year so it can suck the life and soul out of me.

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I've been feeling rather unlucky lately. Burns, allergy, bandaged right arm during the exams, most likely a bad permanent scar on my arm, lost student ID, missing out on beach outings and my birthday Wet n' Wild plan, not being able to have any drinks because things may get worse, not being able to wash my hair properly because I can't get my wound wet, dropped my earring and it vanished!, touching a hot hair straightener without realising I left it on, geez, even toilet rolls seem to not like me. Hahaha. I'm probably one of the odd ones who always have it hard with toilet rolls, because they either get stuck, or I keep turning the roll but am unable to find the end of it. That happens to me at least once a week.

So, to make things better, I shall focus on the positive things!

I started off by wearing my less than RM15 yellow summer dress. I feel marginally happier already. Haha. I love cheap bargains and clothes that make me feel like sunshine! Then I got some marks back today. I scored a 93% for my coral reef research project. WOOHOO! And a 19/20 for another assignment. Bumped into Pat, my stats lecturer, and he had the cutest kid I've seen with him. Less than a year old, with blonde waves and dark blue eyes, who kept saying "What what what" to me. *swoon* I like how toddlers get so amused by moving hands and enthusiastic hello's. He asked me how things were going, bla bla and told me I did very well for my beans mini-research project. Yay! That's like 3 good academically-related news in 10 minutes. Maybe just maybe I'll get to keep my GPA after all!

Met up with Melody for awhile before she left for a immigration talk in uni. I headed to the doctor's and got more gasps about my wound. =( I know they mean good but I think all the sympathetic looks and comments are starting to make me feel like I have a very terrible thing. Got my dressing changed and chatted with the nurse who got a bit teary eyed because today was her last day of work there. Whoops. I didn't mean to. I felt bad, but she was super nice. She even gave me a whole pack of that cutiplast dressing thingy. I know I was really dumb to use dettol. Why on earth do they advertise dettol as an antiseptic cure of all minor wounds? Why weren't we ever told that dettol can't be use on burns (although it says on the bottle, the cream tube and on the internet that it's okay), and that some people react badly to dettol. Le sigh. I still have to go back on Monday, but I'll see how things go.

While registering at the doctor's, I realised I lost my ID, although I had it just 10 minutes ago. I gave the receptionist my Go card instead unknowingly. How embarrassing. Retraced my steps but no ID to be found. Went to the Intergrative Biology/Biol Sciences building but the help desk was closed, so I couldn't ask if I had left my ID at the counter. Went to the Student Centre, but no one had returned my card yet. I didn't want to pay $15 for a new card, so I caught the bus home. Read my book a bit and eh, I'm home. HAHA. The weather is starting to be really bad. Heatwave came early to Aussie's East Coast this year.

Tonight, I'm going for pizza dinner with some of my uni mates, then maybe I'll head to Regatta or one of the bars. Sal's siblings are here on holiday and it'd be nice to go to one of our favourite bars or watch one of the live bands before we all part ways. I can't have $5 cocktails anytime soon, which makes me a bit sad, but it's ok. Actually a Toohey's super cold would be super awesome now with the heat. It's cheaper than a corona! ahaha.

More happy stuff: 500 days of Summer. Oh how I love that movie. I watched it a few months back, before I went to Heron. It's one of those shows whose trailers are up online for ages and ages and then you forget about them. Ozzie was raving about the movie when it first came out, so I decided to watch it too. I don't know how anyone can not like Zooey Deschanel after watching her in Yes Man and in 500 Days.

I'm not as obsessed with the show as many other friends out there (I don't even have a 500 days ringtone or alarm or wallpaper), and it's probably more of a friends-movie than a romantic-date-movie, but oooo I still get excited when I see something 500 days-related online.

This is my favourite part. Yeah, the saddest part of the movie is my favourite.

I want a blackboard wall like that. I couldn't find any better picture of the whole wall.

The part which made me ask "How come I have a boyfriend who draws monsters instead?"

Hehehehe. Sid and Nancy part. Hilarious. You'll probably only get this if you know the Sex Pistols.

Summer: We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.
Tom: Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.
Summer: No I'm Sid.
Tom: Oh, so I'm Nancy...

I love split screens in movies.

And musical-bits in movies.

Okay, I'm happier already just looking at these pictures.

Now that I'm happy, what should I do? Hmmm.....I don't really want to start packing yet. Cos that'd make me happyandsad again. Maybe I should look for that elusive earring again. It's my favourite favourite hoop earring (only one side fell from the table, bounced off my bag and vanished!). I'm still amazed as to how my eyes weren't fast enough to catch where the earring went to. I mean I saw if fall!

Or maybe I should rewatch OC. Or Popular. Or emm Skins. Geez, I'm so pathetic I don't even watch current series but rather rewatch old teenage dramas. Haha. I've already watched this week's Glee. I love I'll Stand By You.

[[ music ]] Even Now (acoustic) - Dashboard Confessional

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Some things bugging me.
Can Structural Dynamics be completed in less than 24 hours?

By the way, what's the fundamentals of a relationship?
If your boyfriend is able to provide for you, be there 24/7 for you, does that make him an A-class boyfriend?
Is that equivalent to love?

I'm going to share something personal here. (Well, not like I don't do so anyway..haha..)

I know of couples, where the girlfriends are still pursuing in their studies when their boyfriends have already graduated and joined the work force. That would be pretty normal right, especially if the age gap is not too big. 2-3 years, it'll only be normal if one is still in the university, and the other is working. Well, in that case, I guess it's acceptable still because the guy is supposed to be "providing" and the girl is supposed to be "provided". But let's turn the tables around. What if, situation's reversed. The guy is still schooling, but the girl's already out in the working society. Does that mean the girl has to "provide" the guy in that terms? Well, I'm not even talking about the age differences. It's just a matter of one out in the society, and the other, still pretty much burried under books.

Ok, let's be more specific. So when you are in a relationship, does that mean the dominant one would be paying for everything, whilst the other would always be at the receiving end? Well, in most cases, it would always be the guys doing so, but then again, in a 'normal' relationship, things would be much easier and less complicated. To what extent should the boyfriend be providing? Wouldn't that be a risky investment, if you are someone who goes by the statistics? You are actually investing in something, without knowing the percentage of return. Well, the circumstances would change if she's your wife. In that case, like I've written before, you are bound by the legal force.

Anyway, my problem begins (actually it's not really a problem to me, but it's bugging me, for no reason..) when friends of hers kept harping on the reason why she chose to be with me. One thing that made things difficult was because it was an "abnormal" relationship, (again, wtf is with people these days..what's actually normal, you tell me?) and secondly, I'm still in University, not being able to provide and to make things worst, my University is so far away, thus lesser time spent together. So, with all these reasons they came up with, they concluded that this relationship is nothing but a mere experiment.

I can actually write a book on "What the fuck is Wrong with People?" with all these build up.

First of all, when I was told of this, the first question I would always ask, "Are they Chinese Educated?"

I am not being stereotyping, but from all these years of experience, I find that those Chinese Ed finds it hard to accept such abnormality. In fact, only last night, a friend of mine kept saying that I'm not gay, and I should turn back to being a "girl". It amuses me, really. They try so hard to shape me being a "girl" when they don't realize that I'm actually still one. I HAVE NOT UNDERGONE TRANSGENDER OPERATION, FOR GOD SAKE. I'm just comfortable in what I wear, in this case, casual. Secondly, me, being a year younger, and still studying is one of your reasons, really makes me laugh. One thing, I'm doing a degree which requires 4 years for completion. And the thing is because I'm still studying, that makes me not being able to "provide". People like these, have to understand one thing. Being in a relationship, doesn't mean you have to "provide". Typical chinese mindset. There should be a thin line, separating your assets and her assets. Who knows what's going to happen in 3-4 years' time? Let's not even go so far. You don't even know what's going to happen the following day, and you already want to talk about "providing".

And to the guy who said that I'm not even half of the person he is, I'm sorry, yes, he's right. I'm not even half of the person he is. I don't even have what he claims to be "his asset". Sorry to say, I can't even give a decent 'wedding' to whoever my life partner is going to be. But if being a relationship, means going straight to the wedding bells, sorry to say, at this age, it's too early to decide. There's more to learn in this "abnormal" relationship and one thing she has to learn is not to get affected with what people have to say about her.

People and their ungodly tongues. The only way you can control them, is by cutting them, but if there's nothing you can do, then do nothing.

It really amuses me when people say I can't provide anything. Hello, please. Look at your field, and mine. You are only going in circles. I can go out of the box.

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i need a miracle.

yet.

i do not even believe in miracles.

[[ music ]] himala by rivermaya
[[ show ]] my chatscreen
[[ mood ]] broken

Filed under hanging by a moment | 6 comments

It's nights like these I dislike.

For 3 nights in a row, I've been rushing to finish what's not been finished, for the finals. Having a day gap would only mean adequate rest before pursuing the next subject further. But I can't do so!

Tonight's slightly awesome though. I managed to chat with Mel a little, and Joshua..and Chin Leong. So random chat list I have tonight, but yeah, you don't get that often here. I mean, I don't really get anyone to talk to me online, or maybe because I don't fancy online-chatting most of the time. Well, unless if I'm doing my work, or watching some show online, otherwise, I wouldn't like the idea of typing away on the keyboard. I'm weird in a cute way, ok? I like to multi-task. I just hope that many would talk to me, at times. Ping me sometimes. Well, to remind me that I'm still noticeable, at least.

Such an attention-seeker, I am.

I left a message on Julia's wall on facebook to me. It was so random, and to add on to the randomness, she replied saying that she had a dream about me the night before. That was very weird ok, because it has been 6 years since we last had contact with. And we aren't really close then. Only hi-bye senior and junior. That one also she can dream. Wahliao..

So now, Ariff's not replying my text. Sigh. Is that why I'm getting all excitable and not being able to sleep. Sucks. Awww!! Sucks!!

Finally decided not joining the rest to Langkawi next week. FYP's uncertain. So, making plans for her to come down to Ipoh instead. At least there's some company next weekend. Parents off to Ho Chin Minh, and the whole house to myself. I can feel a party warming up now..Lol!

Oh yeah, those who are interested in meeting her, she would be in Ipoh, next week. So, please, let me know, and we can come out yumcha! So no more excuse of me keeping her hidden in the closet, alright?

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